This is Me

I obsess over the weirdest things.


I have a hard time with letting people help me.


I'm insecure about my bed head and eye brows.


I love sports and my favorite color is pink.


I love nature and wild flowers.


I think I'm independent.


Sometimes I wish I wasn't so practical.


My mom tells me I pay attention to the smallest details.


I eat a lot of junk food.


I deleted instagram and twitter off my phone two weeks ago.


I'm really weird.


I'm very opinionated and I think I might be scared of germs.


I'm Megan Solomon.

Memories

I remember driving my grandpas golf cart into the bar-b-que filled with our steak dinner that night.


I remember my kindergarten teacher who taught me how to paint and create when I was just 5 years old.


I remember my old grandma I mean she's still alive but I miss the old her you know.


I remember my brother running into my room after his first kiss and turning on my bedroom light and flickering it until I cracked enough emotion for him to vent a little.


I remember riding my bike to the colorful painted states alone and crying on the swing set when you  left.


I remember my daddies old pick up truck and how proud he was of it.


I remember watching my brother paint again after two years and crying because he couldn't anymore.


I remember when I ate every dinner on my tramp because I could not stop bouncing around.


I remember the day I attempted to paint my trampoline pink with one bottle of nail polish.


I remember throwing catch after school everyday with my older brother.


I remember our old dodge ball team.


I remember the sweet taste of big league chew that you would share with me on road trips.


I remember my doggie Lily and how I never got to say my last goodbye.

My main goal for the week

BLACKOUT

Expiration/ Exploration Date: 5/28/2015

Skippin' out on life and drinkin' old root beer bottles to place the flowers we find on those steep weed hills.




Just enough adventure to direct our minds somewhere happy.


Living easy is only going to last a little longer. And my free bread and life is expiring and so is the universe.


And pretty soon our naïve consciences will too.

If Only Everyone Could Have a Mom like Mine

There is really nothing like seeing your mom cry about you.




And there is nothing like feeling responsible for every tear.




She's making freezer meals for every day she's going to be on bed rest and I can't stand the fact I'm causing her anymore stress.




She is my absolute best friend.




We watched a hallmark movie together this morning and we both liked it because of how predicable it was. She told me how it was nice to watch a movie that didn't cause any worry.




I know we would both like our lives to be a little more predicable than they are.




I don't think I have ever met anyone as selfless as her.




She sends me on average 3 texts a day that say, "I love you".




She is my hero.

But I Hope You Know I'm Trying

I've listened to Taylor Swift's album probably around a million times this week just to block you out of my head.




And I've done a lot without you this week.




And I'm not used to that.


And I've done a lot without you in the past month.


And I'm not used to that.


This boy at EFY called my sister fat and its been harder to forgive you than it was to forgive him.


This is saying so much.


But I hope you know I'm trying.


I've been so close to mending my heart back together again but every time I do it shatters.


But I hope you know I'm trying.


I would do anything to get back to how we used to be.


I just don't think that we ever could.


But it's okay because I see you've replaced me and moved me to the bottom of your "favorite friends list".


But I hope you know I'm trying.


I'm just a little slow.

"I'm starting to forget the time when I kissed you last and I feel scared"

I think its time I write about you and honestly I could never do you justice on just a little note pad.


When I was with you I got a glimpse of how happy I could be.


There were tears in your eyes when you told me good bye and I didn't know what to do because I didn't know someone could feel that way about me.


All I know was how I kissed you right then and then you kissed me back and then I looked back up at you and you were so happy.


I don't think you know how many times a day this replays in my head.


And really it kills me because I don't know how many times that replays in your head and I'm having one of those days where I miss you.


I'm scared you'll forget me and I'm scared I'll forget you and that's what makes me scared to live.

IF I Had One Thing Left to Say

My momma told me if I have nothing nice to say then to just keep my mouth shut.




That's why I don't reply to you.






I hope you know that the highlight of my day was finding a matching pair of socks.




If I had one thing left to say to you that would be it.

Maybe a Little Time Wouldn't Hurt

Dance with me when I need it.


Dance with me when I get too tired from dancing by myself and then we can hold each other till we can breathe again.


Then we can dance a little longer by ourselves because we both seem to like that.


And we can always find each other when we need a little slow dance.


And we can take it a little slow for a little longer while we sort through the necessaries.


I don't mind taking my time.

Just a Common Cold

I'm sick of gay activists and I'm sick of dramatic girls.

God Made Metaphors for the Confusing Lessons

I'm just happy and it's because I choose it for myself. It doesn't depend on you but most other things that don't matter depend on you.


and I'm grateful because I've known what it's like to be sinking.


Melancholy moments only last seconds for me.


and sunshine runs all over me and I'm the type to live in summer all the time.


It kind of amazes me that you don't get depressed when winter comes along and I that's why I cling to you.


I need an opposite to cure my heart and you fit in quite cozy.


Like you know how God made metaphors for the confusing lessons.


Like you know when you get a canker sore from the intake of too much sugar and the only way to cure it is to add salt to the sore.


Well maybe salt can cure the sugar sores and maybe you could cure me.


And maybe God made sugar sores so I could appreciate you. 

The Fault in Store Bought Flowers

People don't pay much money or attention to wildflowers like they should.




Instead they like the ones who're genetically modified and created for perfection.




Wildflowers are created amongst the weeds. They grow with no outside help.  And you find them in the most spontaneous moments.




You belong amongst the wild flowers, honey.




I could pick you out in the meadow and the surrounding mountains would close in on us and we could linger a little longer.




No one should have to buy one of god's creation. I like the flowers that are free.




I like the ones that don't know they are beautiful so I can tell them again and again how much they are to me.




I like the wildflowers that see me like I see them.




But I guess when you're pretty, boy's pay more attention.

love and airplanes

Love is like riding on an airplane.


It either takes you to hell or happiness ,but nevertheless it takes you somewhere.


 Love takes you to the airport and makes you fly away. Fly away so that you have no foundation anymore just a thin guard.


 Love takes off and makes your stomach fuzzy. Love then gets you high; higher and higher till you're next to the stars. Then you stay there. You stay there for what feels like forever.


 Love then wears head phones and listens only to what it wants to.


 Love pays extra for the Pepsi soda even though love prefers coke. Love starts its decline towards reality.


 Love lands and realizes either they are in hell or happiness.


Then, Love stays there.

Hearty Breakfast

We never said it.
It wasn't necessary.




It was like we lived out a cheesy love poem for a while.




12 AM eye contests over cereal
Guitar lullabies in caves feat. me on tambourine
Big blue eyes and little forehead kisses
Mixing up our sweaty fingers for a night
Sandwich sharing and rock skipping
Cute walks where we agreed about cars




I told you I didn't even really like cars, I just thought they were meant to get you from one place to the next like who cares what it looks like or how much it costs.




Our love was like a car.




It got me to where I needed to go for a little while and then, it broke down.


I pushed it to the side of the road and you didn't even notice.

Future Love Life:

We could have 6 kids.
They would have cute names and they would love each other.
I would make the bed and dinner everyday.
We could dance in the kitchen to a mix tape we gave each other when we just teenagers.
I could cry some nights and you would still love me.
I would listen to you. You could tell me about your work day.
We could take the kids camping for the weekend and teach them how to work.
We could travel.
I could share all my secrets with you.
You could kiss me just because.
We could make so many memories together.
We could only be lonely when we were apart.
We could pray together.
I would show you God like you've never imagined before.
I could love you forever.
We could watch the moon and stars after the kids all went to bed.
We would probably have competitive family card games.
You could show the kids how to draw.
I could show you love.

forever eyes

I can't look at you in the eyes because I'm scared I will never look away.

My mind was so simple under the stars with you. I never wanted to leave though I still couldn't look.
I saw your eyes when I wished on that shooting star.

You have one of those faces that I could admire for an hour at least. Maybe during a movie and I would see anything you wanted to because to be next to you was more than enough.

I wish it was as simple as everyone makes it seem. But I'm known to overthink it all.

You talk about yourself in the least conceded way possible and it amazes me. I could listen to you for hours on end. I know you would like that. I know you would like me.

Not Even Me.

My Mom is the only one that understands me and she thinks I'm depressed.

My best friend asks me everyday what's wrong. She thinks I'm just stressed.

Well I guess I'm stressed. I buy myself stress relief lotion and share it with my mom. Mostly she needs it because of me lately.

I don't give her stress the same way most people give their parents stress.

I wish my best friend would understand the reason I'm "stressed" to her is because of her.

I wish the world would understand me better than they do.

My mom and I cried together last Sunday. She's the only one who understands.

My dad thought material items would lighten the mood. He offered to buy me the world.

I didn't want that though. Money can't buy everything.

No one understands. Not even me.

Color Me

My problem is not that someone took away my crayons. Its that society made crayons unacceptable. I still have my crayons, but only in my pink bedroom.




I used to color pictures of myself yellow hair, perfect pink lips, and big blue eyes. The sun in the corner of the page would shine. The flowers around me would always take longer to draw than my face would.




Last year I would stand on the painted states at my old elementary school. Distance didn't seem to bug me then but that was only because God was with us both. I carried my crayons with me.




I've never been good at being friends but I got a million pages in my book we can color on.




Crayons refuge my lack of love and compliment my ability to love. But I've always known how to be alone.



I color my life in the mornings. Gray, gray, gray, black. But the day I met you, you colored me red.

No One Has Boobs in 5th Grade

I had my crayons before 5th grade.


When I was younger the girls in my 5th grade class would make fun of me for having no boobs.


I used to dress up for Halloween in advance for Halloween in elementary. They made fun of me for that.


My 6th grade teacher would tease me about matching my backpack everyday. So in 7th grade I made it a goal to not match my backpack.


7th grade I bought expensive jeans to fit in. And in 8th grade I became a cheerleader. I got my first boyfriend after the Halloween dance that year. I learned how to master Halloween costumes.


In 9th grade a boy from my old elementary took me trick or treating with him and in 10th grade another boy took me trick or treating with him. We kissed later that night, twice.


When I was in 11th grade boys avoided me because I started to wear my pre-Halloween wear again. But at least I got my crayons back.

Mind Made Up

I want to be independent but live close to home and I want to travel the world but am to afraid. I have a dream but despite what others tell me I know it will never come true. I know the world is filled with ugly people but despite what people say I would not consider myself one of them. And when I say ugly I mean everything but the physicality of us. I was told in elementary to never start a sentence with "and" but what they taught me then was that the content of the story didn't matter unless properly paired with correct spelling and grammar. Well let me tell you, beginning your sentence with "and" allows you to expand on your thoughts. And isn't that beautiful. And if someone were to judge me on the content of my life they would see all the grammatical imperfections and that would be just fine with me. I want people to see me and all my imperfections.